#is like. i dont think its that deep. i think its better in the long run to realise that no matter what you do some people will find you

[zorbik-guligan]

Not really sure what incongruous means so I'll look it up after but it does feel like as i get older life gets more complex theres more things i understand now that sure i knew about them before but not in great detail but it feels like I've become so fucking complex as a person that if i tried to explain what i actually think and feel it would just overwhelm a person so i try and section myself off into pieces and just use different parts of me with different situations or people and it may just be because ive spent most of my time these past 2 almost 3 years now alone with nothing to do but think and figure myself out that when im asked what i think about something slightly personal its kinda hard to say it just got lost in my head somewhere and that whatever i think will change at a moments notice like i can bring up memories of lots of things and remember nostalgic times but i spent so long thinking about why i feel a certain way or what makes me feel a certain way in order to try and get a better hold of myself that ive kinda forgotten alot of my past like so many memories that i made are just gone because remembering them made me feel a way i dont want to feel like i remember realizing the beginning of 6th grade that i had completely forgotten 5th grade and the reason why was because that time i had was so nice yet not at the same time my brain just frogot because it didn't want a reminder of how good yet not something can be like great teachers who for the first time ever actually seemed to care as far as i could tell class mates who were generally friendly and occasionally checked on me if i seemed off yet i felt so alone cause nobody there really seemed like a real friend like the friends i had before who even when we were in deep trouble wouldn't rat me out and would stick with me who genuinely cared and missed me if i was sick getting older and not having anyone to socialize with for really formative years off my life has made understand those really old dudes who are nice and always up to make friends but just seem extra lonely for some reason despite knowing so many people i guess technically being that alone did hurt me but i kinda learned that im just not alone ever when im outside theres always some squirrels birds or plants nearby that make it more lively its why ive grown so fond of certain forested spots they are always lively and it feels like hanging out with all my friends its also why i enjoy making things like with metal or wood stone or even writing and painting those things feel alive in a way same with music and having time to think so much has made me reflect and realize that no day is the same and even when something changes something else stays the same or gos back to how it was in a weird cycle like growing but remembering where you were growing older for me anyways is like gaining more skills and more knowledge not just on the stuff around me but on myself too obviously people change sometimes pretty quickly too but getting older makes you learn more about yourself which duh that how life works but still it feels weird to be aware of it at 17 when it feels like i should still be trying to figure out my favorite youtuber or something not contemplate who i am as a person and what makes me feel the way i do but its a good kind of weird and theres always more to learn and find so i still have plenty of room to learn more about myself still not being able to really fully let a person know you kinda sucks but to be fair that is a rather special thing its also nice being able to put into words why i feel a certain way so that i can actually explain myself instead of just going quiet cause i dont know myself that well still kinda funny to know your own problems but not be able to jusy fix them when you know its a very deep problem even when it seems surface level and damn i got kinda personal there woops also just noticed that im shaking so might be overwhelmed remembering 5th grade which is probably why i frogot it or at least thought i did

anybody else feel that being human is like being a long-time syndicated cartoon character watching the world get more complex while your own design stays the same until youre incongruous with the reality around you??

[augustameretrix]

you know what i kinda do like the "i'm the dirt under your fingernails" image on its own and had it been deployed in an overall clearer and cohesive script for caitvi in s2 i would have absolutely loved it

some dont like it because it implies vi is a mere stain on caits person, evoking her own experience in regards to the dehumanization zaunites are systemically subject to in order to prop up top siders. on the other hand ive seen other people who, like me, like the line say: "oh its not that. what it means is that not only is vi going to be there whenever cait will do the good but hard work ("blisters and bedrock") but that by always being there shes putting an onus on cait to show up and actually do it". and while i dont disagree with literally any of that, i also dont think that cancels out the first, more literal interpretation of the line, but i kinda like that?

because as sad as it is, vi has made service and self-deprecation her lifestyle - her circumstances may have beaten it into her, but she has fully accepted it and embodied it. moreover shes shown to be perfectly aware of the deep-seated power imbalances between piltover and zaun as well as how that affects her relationship to cait (s1 act 1 and s1 act 3; s2 act 1 respectively - how id LOVED to see a proper argument between them in s2 act 2 or 3 goddammit): since nothing on that front has been dealt with because of the convenient noxus invasion/glorious evolution double whammy which once again resulted in zaunites being used as cannon fodder in exchange for one (1) lousy seat at the city council vi has no reason to pretend like things aren't the way they've always been. the disparity - both in the city and in her and caits entaglement - is still there, and vi is saying "the inequality it's there and it's fine that it is there for now because you are going to fix it with me" (implying vi will never let cait pull the kind of shit she pulled in s2 act 2 again i wish they'd spelled... something! out).

so it is kinda both the meanings at the same time there: cait has a moral and political duty to get her hands dirty and the dirt is vi because as a child of zaun she is what cait works on and for. moreover vi is caits reminder of what she shoots for, her other, better eye if you will. cait does what she does because she freely chooses to do it, and she has the power and resources to put to good use. vi's sense of duty on the other hand comes from her and her family's lived experience, and long before meeting cait (s1 act 1) she had decided to be the good use. now she gets to be it with cait, and it is absolutely grueling work. they both know it, that's why cait asks vi if she's still in it, and after a moment's consideration vi can't help but smile, and there's a bit of bitterness and a bit of almost content resignation in it. so cait, who came in looking for reassurance, now makes room for vi to snuggle under her chin: reassurance she got, but in that subsequent close-up, among all the things she could be possibly thinking, there might be - finally - the realization of what all of it has cost vi.

again i wished the caivi and class inequality storylines had been handled more and more carefully in s2, but even when it's not at its best there's lot to say about arcane...

[obsob]

Now when the GTN case is closed, can you please write about how much you hate tj klune? 👁👄👁 My reason is that this author just is not talented enough to write good prose, but I want to read what you think about it!

IM SO GLAD U ASKED (and the other like 50 people in my inbox haters unite)

so the first tjk books i read was his green creek series which are very different from his more recent books and honestly way better. now are they good ? no! but they are better and are like mostly tolerable. they were kinda annoying to read, the main reason that first book is like 800 pages is bc th paragraphs are like one three word sentence long, but i might try the audiobook at some point. also the age gap in that first book is like . ...... . . .. a little questionable but we move on

th next book of his i read was house on the cerulean sea which was fine at first but good lord. i think i checked about 3 times reading this if this book was suppose to be YA or even middle grade - that is the level of moral complexity that is in this book - the message of 'oh people are different and thats okay' is forced down your throat soooo many times like girl i GET ITTTTTTTT!!!!!!! i liked the idea - a lot of tjk's books sound rlly good which is what lures me in, but the execution is just dare i say cringe. also i dont know how many of u are aware but tjk himself said that what inspired this book was in fact RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS???????? HI HELLO??? MAYBE DONT DO THAT!!!!!!

people do not talk how they do in tjk books. its like he writes dialogue and narration specifically for it to be quotes, its all very superficial and just not immersive at all. do not get me STARTEDD on ' on the lives of puppets' . absolutely zero creative thoughts in regards to the world building. tell me why at the beginning of the book we meet a ROBOT who is buried in stuff and the mc immediately is like oh its male :) when all he could hear was th robots voice. girl its a ROBOTTTTTTTTTT RRIRYYGYGAWWWYGYGYRGYGW

i cannot believe people could read that book and think its good and deep. his writing has all the emotional complexity and depth of a marvel movie .

its interesting to me how he did show he could write a more mature and emotional story w the green creek books, and then just completely walked away from that style to write repetitive and superficial stories. loser

tldr: tjk's writing is immature and superficial and repetitive, and only legitimately enjoyable to people who don't have enough variety in their reading life to know a bad book when they read it. and i think hes lame

[umblrspectrum]

do you ever like wanna make something cool but you dont know how so you just sit around like a moron for 5 hours straight pretending you know how

me neither

on a more serious note i know ad astra as a whole isnt over but i still want to thank daybreaker for their fics. what friends are for was the very first md fic i ever stumbled upon when trying out ao3 for the first time, and prior to joining the server i was checking it near daily for uploads. god knows if i'd be as deep in ao3 as i am now if it werent for this story and convenient timing. Thanks for the story.

[mephoj]

nickel and balloon would be so much more interesting if people explored the way nickel became everything awful that balloon used to be but so much worse ironically all in the name of "protecting" everyone from that history repeating. and not softboy tsundere yaoi or whatever is going on in those tags rn

[good-beans]

this is so stupid but i always have fun imagining the milgram characters watching their own/others mvs and seeing their reactions, especially for MeMe

That’s not stupid at all, thank you so much for the ask!! It’s sooo interesting to think about! I planned on just posting this drabble, but the more I thought about it, the more I started jotting down headcanons for everyone 👀 Of course there’s the initial disbelief and shock that Milgram can really do what it claims, but once they accept that, they’d have a lot of interesting reactions…

Es gets to watch the video first, then the prisoners are free to watch their own in the privacy of the courtroom/extraction room/wherever. Other prisoners can watch them only with explicit permission from the video’s singer. No one is allowed to watch Undercover except for Es. At first they spend hours looking at those final frames of themself flinching from the camera, hoping to jog any sort of memories, but eventually they give up on it. While actually watching it, they don’t mind the murder silhouettes. While sleeping, however, it has triggered more than one nightmare.

Haruka: He thinks Weakness is very pretty – he’s amazed seeing himself on the screen and hearing his voice, knowing he’s not that good of a singer. Even before his innocent verdict, it gives him a huge surge of confidence. Once he gets to know the others better, he gives them mv permissions, then stares intently at their faces to see their reactions as they watch it. AKAA scares him a bit, seeing his own intense emotions on screen, and he only gives Muu permission to see it. When he’s alone, Haruka pauses the shots of his mother, just to stare for a while.

Yuno: Laughs at the symbolism her mind used in Umbilical. She’s never shied away from sexual words/thoughts, so it's funny the video was as tame as it was. She thinks the song is fun, and isn’t afraid to show the others and sing snippets of it around the prison. Some days it’s too emotional for her to get into it, but most of the time she tries to display a confident attitude about it. After Tear Drop, she’s satisfied with her anger and more overtly sexual images. If anything, she feels too exposed by the shots of herself looking more vulnerable/sad. 

Fuuta: He experiences a solid mix of embarrassment at the gaming theme in Bring it On and feeling a surge of pride that he looks badass in the knight’s armor. He’s worried the warden won’t take him seriously with the video game obsession, but he absolutely loves the song and thinks it portrays his toughness and ideals well. He’s less thrilled with Backdraft, everything about it unsettles and embarasses him. He’s thrown by the shot of crossing out his own silhouette – he’d had self-harming thoughts, but wasn’t quite ready to confront them so blatantly yet. Like Haruka, he can be caught pausing the arcade shot just for a moment before turning the whole thing off and storming away.

Muu: She has mixed emotions towards After Pain. She hates seeing herself look so weak and pathetic, but it gives her a lot of hope that her story will be understood. She misses her friends, and seeing them again is bittersweet. She closes her eyes at the moment of the stabbing – she’s only gotten the courage to watch it through her fingers once. She watches INMF once, then refuses to look at it again from shame/horror. Despite Haruka’s begging, she doesn’t let him watch it, either. 

Shidou: He asks Es what they saw in Throw Down. Upon finding out his family wasn’t in it, he chooses not to watch it. He believes he already knows all about his emotions and crime, so there’s no need to go through that pain again. He’s tempted to watch it when he’s confused about Es’ verdict, but still holds off. He does watch Triage when informed his family is in it. He spends hours in front of the screen by himself. Only after seeing that one does he watch Throw Down, though he’s still left confused about Es’ decisions.

Mahiru: Absolutely loves TIHTBILWY. She thinks it perfectly describes her situation, and that the song is very cute. She lets others watch it, and unlike Yuno, feels like singing it 24/7. It reminds her of her bf, and she thinks that’s very romantic. Similar to Shidou, she spends a lot of time watching I Love You just to look at her boyfriend. She shows it to everyone, just to show him off and talk about him, even if she does skip over the beginning and end each time.

Kazui: He is very similar to Shidou; he refuses to watch his videos until T2, assuming it would be too painful to watch something he already knows and wishes to avoid. Unlike Shidou, seeing Hinako is far too painful, and he regrets watching it and seeing her so happy on their wedding day. Though maybe he’s still waiting, and hasn’t seen any of the videos yet…

Amane: Magic makes her worry more than anything. She fears she’s poisoned by unnecessary vainness since so much of her video involves cute things, colors, outfits, animals, and is set up like a tv show. She’s also worried that Es and the others will really see her as a child because of how cute the whole thing is. She prevents herself from watching it too many times, but buried under all her fears, it gives her a surge of pride seeing herself so talented and pretty and the star of the show. Purge March only reaffirms her confidence in her crime – the video brings up some awful memories, but it shows her as a leader, a warrior, a hero! It brings her comfort and confidence more than anything.

Mikoto/John: The videos are distressing to both of them, and they spend all their time studying the others’ screentime. Mikoto watches in horror as John does things that line up with his spotty memories, and John panics seeing that his actions distress Mikoto more than they’ve reassured/saved him. John does end up watching his own scenes a few times – it feels incredibly good to appear in a way that Mikoto may finally notice him. He feels seen. Now, logically I think that MeMe would be the final tipping point in which Mikoto finally accepts the situation and his DID, but if I must stick to his canon denial, then I’d say he goes on a whole rant about movie magic andt the crazy things you can do with editing nowadays. He doesn’t have a good explanation on how Milgram found his home and knew so much about him, but he explains everything away as cgi or camera effects. Double manages to sway him a bit more, as he hears John speak so plainly to him. Just as the audience had some debate on who was apologizing at the end of Double, Mikoto and John wonder who is apologizing to whom. Though they both come to the conclusion it’s their own apology, they decide that if it was the others’, they’d accept it and forgive them.

Kotoko: She’s very pleased with Harrow, and is unashamed to show it to the others. Though she’d been able to watch a few of the previous prisoners’ videos, it still shakes her a bit when she realizes that Milgram really does have the tech to look deep inside her. She watches it just a few times – not obsessing over it, but not afraid either. Deep Cover, however, is a once-and-done sort of deal. She claims she’s not letting the others watch it because “they couldn’t handle such harsh but true criticisms about themselves,” but she doesn’t end up watching it anymore herself, either.

[destielgaysex]

im the second of four children and im the most loser of them all. is this anyone else's experience or just me.

loser defined by: no friends or social life, no relationship experience, dropped out of undergrad 5 years in, living at home at 24, 0 platonic physical touch ever experience in entire life outside of family, etc.

[storywestistrash]

i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans

[mapsofnonexistentplaces]

obviously i think its good to grow out of mocking people relentlessly especially to their face but honestly i think people should also grow a bigger backbone with regards to like. someone saying their interest is lame or sucks. like a lot of people have turned the idea of 'oh we need to kill the idea of cringe culture and public shaming for harmless fun' to 'i have to take every post against my interests personally and people should never complain about anything so that they dont hurt my feelings'

[alyimoss]

yknow what ive seen a lot of "gaster and chara fucking hated each other" headcanons but ive seen very little of the opposite. which to me is kinda sad bc imo its a better, more fun interpretation.

i like to imagine gaster looked at this hurt, traumatized child and saw a bit of himself in them. and so he offered them advice.

yall know the smile theory? that smiling make monsters stronger in a way? that it can stave off death, even if for a short while, etc? that *thats* the significance of it, the reason why its so tied to gaster? that could very well be the reason chara is known for their smile, too.

i nean- theyre a child who was so badly hurt they were practically obsessed with the concept of finality—a state in which they are too powerful to be hurt by anyone. i can see them not smiling almost at all when they first fell (what is there to smile about?) until they hear from gaster that a smile is protection. when you smile, others cant hurt you as bad. a smile is like armor. he smiles to stay safe because he knows all thats out there, all thats capable of harm.

and from then on chara smiles no matter what. they smile and laugh through the wordt moments. because they know now this is their armor. their protection.

i rhink they would admire gaster. his efforts for monsterkind, his advice to them. i think theyd see him as someone trustworthy (in my own personal headcanon, he knew about their and asriels plan. not fully, i mean, but he knew the lengths chara could go to. and the only reason he knew was because he would do the same. chara told him because they saw a kindred spirit)

i like to think gaster is crushed post charas death. i also like to think that, if chara remembers gaster after their "revival", *then* they would have issues. we know nothing about gaster canonically, sure, but in my own headcanon and theory world, the things he does make less and kess sense to chara, align less with their worldview and their beliefs. and only then do they clash with him. because at first he was someone they genuinely loved, someone they admired.

anyway, i think gaster thought of them almost as family. he cared for them deeply, always ready to give advice or comfort or teach them or. really anything. they would sit and talk for hours about the world and their personal philosophies and findings. i want gaster, like the dreemurrs, to be part of the loving world chara never got to experience on the surface rather than yet another enemy. you know?

[toytulini]

god im not starting shit on the post but "medical and pharmaceutical companies thank you for your long term patronage" really does not work as a thing to shame anti maskers. this is not a system i get to opt out of even by masking. unfortunately, i really dont think masking is pwning the predatorily priced healthcare system in the usa. especially considering how many of the ppl who are still doing it are unfortunately beholden to it anyway for some other fucking reason. fuck, even if i didnt have medications i take everyday anyway, the company i buy n95s from is a fucking medical /surgical supply company? its such a weird. just. no.

[thebigqueer]

i dont wanna eat anything or do anything and i just wanna lay around but i also dont wanna do that and i dont wanna watch anything or read anything and idk what i wanna do

[moafleco]

i hate that duality that your mind can be your safe heaven that helps you get through some difficult things, keeps you going and brings you happiness at the worst of times. and at the very same time it could be your worst tormentor that won't let you rest and won't let you breathe, literally for no particular reason at all. and you can't leave or silence it. can't get it to stop when it gets dark in there. can't get the light in when you desperately need to feel a respite instead of suffocation.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[this-doesnt-endd]

I dont need these things but i wanna get those like finger pulse oxygen readers and the like blood pressure wrist cuffs. I dont need them i go to dr appts all the time and ive never had issues but like all of a sudden i feel like i really need them and i need to know these stats daily

[dq1]

thinking again